I am a healthcare worker. I’ve been on these so called “front lines” for most of my adult life. I chose this profession because it is an honorable one. It’s one that has a steady career path, steady income, job security and flexibility. I’ve done my chosen profession with pride and honor. It’s been rewarding…most of the time.

These days, I’m finding it hard to find the reward.

In the midst of this COVID-19 pandemic, the world is expecting all of us health care workers to do what we do with a fucking smile on our face, all while putting our lives, and those of our loved ones, on the line each time we walk into our health care facility. All because we “knew what we signed up for.”

I did not sign up for this shyt! Let me say it again for the people in the back. I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS SHYT!!!

When I signed up to work in the healthcare field, I had no fucking clue that I’d have to go to war–and make no mistake, fighting this pandemic is WAR. I mean, I’m paying student loans right now because I refused to let the military pay for my college education, all because they told me that they send their healthcare workers to the war zone first to set up the facilities. If I knew then, what I know now, I would have chosen the military route. I’d be a retired, 100% disabled vet by now, getting extra money to be a career college student, and getting my car tag for $1. Shyt! I fucked up!

This shyt here, though…COVID-19?! What part of THIS SHYT IS DEADLY are some of y’all not understanding? People out here thinking it’s a damn game. All you had to do was stay y’all asses inside! But, noooooooo! There are people EVERYWHERE!! Not giving a damn about spreading this shyt to our most vulnerable population. Just don’t give a fuck! Selfish MFs!

And, because these MFs won’t go somewhere and sat down, we are at war. All of us! But, healthcare workers are on the front lines, with no damn guns, ammunition or toilet tissue. And MFs don’t seem to care!

Schools are out and most daycares are closed due to this pandemic. What the hell am I supposed to do with my school aged kids who can not be left home alone, while I am out here on these streets? I mean “front lines?” Those new leave policies? I tried that, because I do in fact, qualify for them as a public sector employee. However, my company was happy to inform me that I do not qualify for either of the new leave policies because my company has chosen to exempt it’s healthcare workers because it would be detrimental to their business.

Apparently, I’m an essential employee to my company. Essential. They need me. So much so, that they will offer me daycare, so that I may come to work without having to worry about catching a DHS case, as well as worrying about catching COVID-19. Isn’t that nice? My bad! I left out the part where they expect me to pay them $1400 a month to take care of my kids in exchange for the privilege to come and work for them. $1400!!! A MONTH!!!! I know they fucking lying!

All is not lost though. I have another option. Right now, I can do my job from home. This, too, will keep me from having a DHS case, and keep me from being exposed to COVID-19. My company is offering the opportunity for those who can, to work from home. Great! Sign me up!

Working from home starts next week. We got the schedule today. Guess who is not on it? That’s right! Me! Guess who is also not on it? Not one employee who has school age children. Not ONE!!! I know they fucking lying!

Sounds like my company wants those of us essential workers with kids to no other option than to pay them to work for them. Somebody come look at this shyt here! These MFs have found a way to profit during a fucking pandemic. Off of their own damn employees!

Well, I’ll be damned! Let’s see, the government did not put anything in place in either of of the bills to help healthcare workers individually, by putting the clause in place that allows companies to exempt us from the leave policies. Which means, if we do catch COVID-19 from doing the job we signed up for, and have used all of our sick leave, we are fucked!!! Our families are fucked!!!

Oh, I’m fucked anyway, because my company does not offer sick leave. They give us paid time off instead. All of which we are required to use by the end of the fiscal year. Which is easy to do with Thanksgiving, Christmas, Fall Break, Spring Break, etc. Guess what? The end of the fiscal year is in June. All of that to say, most of us do not have enough time to be off the required 14 days, or more, for the COVID-19 virus.

But, if we are off, we will be replaced. If we die, we will be replaced. This essential worker can be replaced by my company at any time. And, at their complete discretion.

Guess who else thinks I’m an essential worker? My kids!! And, I’m fucking positive that I’m irreplaceable to them.

So, what’s the solution here? DHS or COVID-19? Lose my kids or lose my life? What’s the lesser of the two evils?

I’ve made my choice…